Happy New Year!
I technically can't say that anymore, but January was a trial run so that doesn't count.
I didn't make any specific resolutions this year because I didn't want to be cliche and make up some stuff to do just to not do it. However, there are are few things on my to-do list this year... and then a couple of important additions like turn 30.
I think you learn a lot when you actually dedicate time to self-care, good rest and slayed edges. I learned what it means to set boundaries and standards, which was always hard for me to do. I learned more about my myself and also how good it feels to be happy and healthy. The things I had the power to change last year, I literally embraced the power and changed. I got the scissors out and started cutting stress and extra mess out of my life.
I started with this motto: stop checking for people who aren't checking for you.
It sounds so simple, right? Negative. It was hard as hell, but when you try it you'll realize who, in the words of TLC, is all about they friends. You move with more discernment and you realize how peaceful life gets. In 2018 I had more time to do the things I enjoy because I stopped responding to "I need a favor" emails and "wyd" texts only to receive nothing in return. If there was no reciprocal benefit, it was not worth my time. I didn't pester anyone, I didn't ask questions, I didn't make a Facebook announcement that "I'm finna start cutting people off this year. #nonewfriends." I just silently kept moving.
Here's what I also learned: CONFIDENCE.
So I was having this conversation with one of my best friends and she asked what confidence means to me.
"I think that confidence is a mix between self-esteem, preparedness and security -- being okay with the way life plays out," I said, adding an example to further explain my point:
I use to have this list of things I wanted to do and be and get done by the time I was 30, right? Well I threw it away. I decided that as long as I love myself and I am proactively advancing in life, I'll be okay with however my future plays out. Does it freak me out not knowing exactly what that looks like? Of course! I'm Kelsey. I wouldn't be me if I didn't need to know what all the next steps were. I like to plan things out so that they will go exactly the way I want them to go. But life doesn't work like that. I have established enough security for myself to be okay with going with the flow. What will be will be. That's my mood...all 2019.
It wasn't easy coming to that resolution but I feel like ever since I did, I've challenged my own thinking when it comes to where I am versus where I planned to be by now and decided that, first of all, it's lit. I'm happy and healthy. I have a job doing what I like to do, I'm stress free, I'm my only responsibility, I could do less shopping but my bills are paid and I make a decent buck. Now just wait until last year's gym resolution pays off... I don't think you're ready! Mood all 2019: enjoy life where you are.
So I've got this whole mood and am giving off good light and energy and I can't help but think "this is definitely where sticking to my standards comes into play." Mood all 2019: Don't share your good energy with just anybody! Why? Because not only can it get tainted, but not everyone restores it. I heard you're supposed to get back what you put into the atmosphere -- karma -- like the saying, "what goes around comes around," but I think what folks fail to mention is that you need standards to determine the kind of energy you put out and how much.
Standards help you identify expectations and set boundaries and encourage you to do and be your best. Then, of course, who you decide to vibe with should do the same or else...what is the point, right? So word to the wise: be a mood by yourself all of your life. Keep your standards because settling for anything won't make you happy and it won't help you progress. Standards and boundaries keep you from getting being bound by your own comfortability and others' limitations. In my opinion, they also help to push you toward your destiny.
Fast forward... I'm beginning a new chapter, I'm going to turn 30 this year and I'm excited and looking forward to it. I think last year was great in that it was the first time in a long time I stopped putting pressure on myself to please everyone, to stop comparing myself to this list according to society and live and love as freely as I please... or not because, remember, I'm a whole mood all by myself. It's totally up to me. I have that power. I do what I want, when I want and if I don't want to... I won't.
And that, my dear readers or, as Iyanla says, beloved, is how I kept my edges in 2018 so I can snatch yours in 2019.
OH! NOTE TO SELF: SNATCH EDGES… MOOD ALL 2019